You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
