She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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