There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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