I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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