So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize