tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize