shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
MIDGETS
????
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
