nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
