I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We named our party play list daddy issues
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
