This house was built for laser tag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
