His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Shame - the story of my life.
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