I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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