Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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