I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
