i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
