I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
