She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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