I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
