evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize