Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
