Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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