You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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