Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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