I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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