Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
