I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
