Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
