around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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