I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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