Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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