She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
