Got a toothbrush?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
