So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
