and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
