im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
