I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
