I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
