marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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