I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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