I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize