Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
