Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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