Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize