my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
