It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
