Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
