A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
