I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
