I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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