She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
