Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize