I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
