we're blogging at a bar
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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