oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize