he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
