i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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