We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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