I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize