he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
