Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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