Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
