hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
