I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
