My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
