Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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