A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize