oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
