I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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