I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
