It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
