yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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