just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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