I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
