The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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