Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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