how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
