My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
