You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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