Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
